In my previous blog post I touched on self-sabotage in romantic relationships (if you have not read that yet click here) and I thought I would do a follow up detailing how to overcome it. Self-sabotage is often learned behavior and caused by past experiences, thankfully it is not impossible to unlearn self-sabotage and its behaviors. Below are tips and tricks as to self-sabotage can be overcame.
How to Overcome Self-sabotage
1. Identify the behaviors
Admitting you are self-sabotaging can be a big realisation. A good start would be examining your behaviors and seeing if there is a pattern, but this takes a deeper level of self-awareness. An example of a self-sabotaging pattern could be every time a romantic partner says “I love you” you start detaching yourself.
2. Learn what sets you off
Learning what sets you off means taking note of why you feel you have to act out. Maybe your father said “I love you” then disappeared so now every time a romantic partner says they love you; you feel as though they are going to leave you, so you detach to protect yourself. Try tracking your triggers by taking mental notes or writing them down in a journal.
3. Communicate
If you notice patterns keep appearing, try talking to the people around you. If you are struggling to not detach from your romantic partner you can something like: “I really enjoy being this relationship and if you notice me pulling away or becoming distant, it’s because I am scared of [insert fear].” Try being honest and gentle.
4. Identify what you really want
Self-sabotage could be indicative of a different issue. For example, you may feel the need to take a step back once a talking stage seems like it is getting serious because you actually enjoy being single more. Getting to know yourself and identifying what you really want can help prevent this kind of self-sabotage.
If you are struggling with self-sabotage, I hope this helped.
コメント